Lesson Learned and a Mountain of Gratitude

Thursday 28th April 2011

Today I learned my lesson.  After being on a serious high on Tuesday and crashing to a serious low yesterday I reverted to my old "why me" vicitm mentality that I always do.  I felt hurt.  After a night of no sleep and a lot of tears I get it and I am totally grateful!

I know this may sound crazy that I am grateful about feeling hurt but I will explain.

I now know (which I have suspected for sometime now) that I am not perfect, and even better than that, I don't have to be.  It is not my job to try and make everyone happy, that is something that they can only do for themselves and I cannot base my happiness or sadness on how I have made other people feel.  What others think of me is none of my business.

I now know that I am:

a wife
a mother
a friend
a good person
a bitch
strong
helpful
happy
outspoken
loud
obnoxious
and I seriously need to think before I speak (the whole brain filter thing has never worked with me very well but at least you will know my honest opinion - unfortunately it's whether you like it or not!)

To sum it up I am human.

A dear friend wrote something on my fb page about how her daughter answers her when she asks "what is she".  This gorgeous little thing says "Great! Fantastic!beautiful!fabulous and perfect just the way I am."  Sometimes the smallest people have the biggest impact and I thank you for this.

So love me or hate me, it's up to you but either way I will always be grateful for meeting you as I realise, good or bad, you help me to be the person I am and despite all my flaws I finally like who I am.

On Top of the World

Tuesday 26th April 2011

Today wasn't a day about exercise or physical health but about spritual health, which I consider to be equally as important.

Today 2 of my friends and I went to have a reading with the lovliest medium/clairvoyant.  Up until this weekend I had been feeling totally low and cursed for months.  My close friends have always been there and have helped my work my way through this cursed feeling but it always kept rearing it's ugly head.  It didn't help that I was feeling fantastic medically either but I do think they were linked together in a way.

After my reading this morning all the questions I had in my mind and about myself have been answered and my fears have been put to rest!  I'm not saying life will be easy all the time or anything like that but I have a new, refreshed and positive outlook on my journey.  I know that I need to stop undervaluing myself and start trusting my instincts and stop outside influences from questioning my intuition and feelings.  I also know that I am a control freak and I need to let go and just let things happen because they will whether I want them to or not!

This new feeling of calm is fantastic and I wish that I bottle it and share it with you all!!

Changing Gears

Monday 25th April 2011 - Anzac Day

Today has been a very quiet day.  We didn't go to the dawn service or to the march or anything like that and have been watching coverage of the different services on the television.  It's humbling to hear the stories of service men and women talk about their experiences during the different wars and what they had to endure.  I certainly feel very lucky to have lived such a sheltered life!!  Seeing this footage today certainly makes you think about what has been sacrificed so we can live the way we do and puts a lot of things into perspective.

This blog has been very helpful to shame me into staying on track on my quest for health and weightloss but I have felt over the past week or so that I have changed in my own way of thinking.  I have found that I have allowed life (and some people in my life) get me down and I then start to feel resentful that I don't get to spend time of the things that are important to me.  I am slowly learning to say no if I can't do something instead of making myself sicker with stress trying to please everyone.

I have been very blessed to have a fantastic hubby and children and also fantastic parents and a few very close friends that allow me to be myself.  These people know the real me and it is comforting to also know they like me for who I am and not what I can do for them.  I now have the confidence to be just me and know that that's okay!  Our friendships are also strong enough that they will tell me to suck it up when I need to hear it and vice versa.  This is what I definitely need because I know I can get caught up in myself and sometimes need that friendly push to get over myself.  For this I will always be so thankful for meeting such strong, honest and fun people!!

This newfound knowledge has been a real comfort and has given me the strength to forge forward and keep trying (and sometimes failing) new and fun things.  It's also enjoyable to try these fun new things with my friends who always are up for a bit of adventure and fun too.

I am still feeling the pain of my pole dancing venture in my left shoulder and although I may have trouble changing the gears in the car I have changed the gears in my life and I thank my lovely support network for that!!

Wrath of the Pole Gods!

Sunday 24th April 2011

Oh My God!!  Every single muscle in my body is bitch slapping me on the inside today!  I cannot move without feeling it!  I never thought that pole dancing could cause so much pain!! I can honestly say this is the most I have ever hurt after a workout.  And that doesn't include the bruises!!  Talk about using my total body!  If you're looking for an awesome total body workout this is definitely it!  And to top it off it is soooooo much fun!

I have been pretty soft this morning and have only gone to the markets and haven't done much more than that.  Now that lunch is finished I think it may be time for a walk.  Unfortunately for the poor dog she will have to stay at home because my poor arms don't have the strength to hold 42kg of fluffy hyperactivity!

I hope you're all enjoying your Easter!

The Mole on A Pole

Saturday 23 April 2011

Woo hoo I finally made it to my first pole dancing class!!  I can now feel every single muscle in my body!! OMG  what a workout!  Those girls make it look so easy!  I struggled just climbing up with pole without letting go and flipping my head around, and the firemans spin is another story altogether!! I can now say that not all pole dancers are sexy because I was just downright tragic!  I don't know how the instructor didn't fall off her pole laughing!

If this is the basics I don't know how they do the professional stuff!  All I can say is I hope they don't have any cameras in the classroom or I will end up being a you tube comedy phenomenon!  I am just grateful that the pole didn't break under my weight!  lol

Thank God I have a whole week until my next class to recover!  I think a day of Easter Egg therapy may be in order tomorrow because I have a funny feeling I won't be able to move any part of my body by then!  Have a Happy Easter everyone!!

Coming Out of the Closet

Friday 22nd April 2011

Although it is Good Friday it was not a day of rest for this little black duck!  I was woken at 6.00am by my youngest miss to go for a morning walk with her, hubby and the dog.  It was a great way to start the day.  Walking our crazy dog is the best resistance training you can get!  Have you ever tried to walk 42kg of hyperactivity pulling you in every direction?  It's definitely a workout!

After our walk and nice breakfast I decided today was the day to finally finish the last area of painting, which was inside our wardrobe.  We hadn't worried about it before because it wasn't very noticeable and we would have to take everything out and I knew that with out luck someone would want to come and have a look while the place is a mess.  luckily now that we've signed with a new agent, we knew he wasn't going to readvertise it on the internet until after the Easter break so there was no chance of anyone coming in while the place is a mess.

So a quiet public holiday turned into an awesome workout day of walking, painting and carrying junk to the skip!  Luckily hubby has his mother up from Sydney to keep him company while I worked because he still isn't allowed to lift anything after his hernia operation.  Anyway tomorrow is my pole dancing class, let's hope that the pole Gods are smiling on me this time!!

Junk out of the Trunk

Tuesday 19th April 2011

Today was a very theraputic day for me!  Thanks to the God awful weather we didn't get to go for our pre breakfast walk (it also didn't help that I was totally exhausted this morning!). How was it theraputic?

I had a skip delivered today so we could get rid of a lot of our junk to declutter the house.  I had my friend's kids here along with mine and all four of them were awesome helpers in filling up the skip in record time.  The thing that made it theraputic was the I decided to get rid of some of the emotional baggage and inner stresses that we all hold onto (and that I can never seem to let go of) with the physical rubbish that we were throwing out.  I can't believe how much negative crap I had held onto!  No wonder I'm overweight!!  lol.  Isn't it funny that the people you see who seem to have it altogether all the time are the ones that seem to be the total mess inside!!  I have learned to never assume that because someone seems strong and invincible that they are - it's the ones that never say there is a problem that you have to worry about!  My friends who seem the strongest and never complain are the ones carrying the heaviest load!

Anyway enough of my babbling, I am feeling 20kg lighter and have made plenty of mental space to load up the next 10 years of crap!  lol

I am looking forward to a weekend of decluttering and family bonding time.  What other way is there to spend the public holidays!!

Waking up with a Walk

Monday 18th April 2011

What an unbelievably rainy day, it could only mean one thing...... it's school holidays!!

I had given the girls the heads up last night and said that if they woke me early enough we would go for a morning walk before starting our day.  They were that excited to go out  before breakfast that we were up and ready and out the door by 6.30am.  What other motivation can be better than your girls wanting to come for a walk and spend time with you!!  I feel so blessed to be close with them and that we all enjoy each other's company.

We all enjoyed it so much that we have agreed to make it a daily ritual while we are on holidays.  It will certainly get us prepared for the walk to school routine when the next term starts.  At least while I am at home with the girls and can't get to the gym we are keeping active and healthy - gotta burn some calories before that damn evil Easter Bunny comes and sabotages my quest for a smaller butt!!

Dancing Queen

Sunday 17th April 2011

Today I took action and instead of chilling out on the lounge with an extra cup of tea this morning, I got up and did a bit of Zumba on the Wii instead.  I absolutely love dancing and have to say that it certainly doesn't feel like exercise because I love it so much.  Don't get me wrong, I still sweat and get puffed and sometimes confused at the steps but I love every minute of it.

Although our family has had a quiet weekend at home while hubby recovers from his operation, I have had a huge weekend of getting things done around the house that get forgotten on a day to day basis.  It feels so good uncluttering the place and getting things clean.  It's like an overhaul for our life as well as my health. 

I read a quote today and it said "In the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years" -Abraham Lincoln

This quote struck a real chord with me.  I would rather get out there and give it my all than sit back and watch life pass me by.  So if it means getting up earlier every morning and dancing before breakfast then at least I am starting the day doing something I love, that has to be the perfect start to a day then doesn't it!!

The Mole Without a Pole and a Date with Gym

Saturday 16th April 2011

Today was meant to be my first day at pole dancing but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be.  I think the pole gods are against me!!

Yesterday hubby had a hernia operation, all went well but he is a bit sore today and the hospital advised it best to have someone with him for the first 24hrs which is understandable.  That means no pole dancing for me!  I have learnt over the years not to push something that doesn't come easy so there must be some reason why I shouldn't be going since this is the second time I have tried and something has happened so I couldn't

It's all good though, I am no sitting back and letting it get the better of me I have taken the first steps for joining the gym and will be heading down there in the morning with all my details.

Hot bod here I come!!  lol

The Waiting Game

Friday 15th April 2011

I have hijacked my hubby's laptop again so I can do another blog instead of sitting here twiddling my thumbs.  I swear to God I spend more time in my life waiting for something or someone more than I do anything else!!  At the moment I am at home waiting for our new real estate agents to arrive and also waiting for a call from the hospital to pick up hubby after his hernia operation.

There is nothing more frustrating than not know how long something is going to be that you're waiting for so you can't start anything new or go anywhere.  All I can say is lucky the new Harry Potter movie was released today so it can entertain the kids and leave me with a little shred of sanity!!

Before my hubby headed in this morning he moved the very last lot of the rocks for our project.  I am so glad he could do it because I still can't feel my arms, legs, back or tummy muscles (yes I must have some muscles in there somewhere!!lol)  Thankfully I only had to rake everything so it was smooth a neat (and can I just say that was hard enough on my poor tired muscles).  At least it means I got an awesome workout!!  Anyway I will now go back to my waiting waiting waiting.  Thank you Blogger for occupying my bored waiting mind for a few minutes!!

Rocky Road and a Laptop Hijack

Thursday 14th April 2011

I have currently hijacked my hubby's work laptop so I could quickly write out this blog.  It has been so weird not having a computer to keep me distracted and oh what a week!!  If there was any week that I could've had heaps to write about this would've been the one but of course my brain has now forgotten half of it!!  lol

We have been making some changes around the home and have signed on with a new agent to refresh our house selling process after the Easter break so hopefully we'll get some results!!  Talk about a hair pulling out process!!  No wonder my poor hubby is bald! 

One thing that we have been doing is filling in a bland area with a nice rock feature.  Guess who has been the lucky chook who gets to move the rocks?  At least it is an awesome workout!  I have been very good this week and have been keeping up the walking and physical exercise by rock moving, although unfortunately I didn't make it to my favourite zumba this week due to me being in the foulest mood that I just couldn't shake - don't you hate those days!!

Anyway hubby is off for a hernia operation tomorrow and then we're having a visit next week from my mother in law for a week while the kids are on school holidays so there will be plenty of time and reasons for me to hit the pavement (and perhaps a few punching bags!!!  aaarrrgh)  I hope the man-op won't be too painful!  lol

Anyway, hopefully I'll have the blog back on track when we get our laptop back but I will keep trying to hijack hubby's until ours is returned.  Oops here he comes!  If he asks I wasn't here!  Lol

Fun Fursday

Thursday 7th April 2011

I must have rocks in my head!!  You think I would've learnt by now but nooooo I go and do it again!  I take the stupid dog for a walk!  I am currently sipping on a vodka and to calm the nerves so I don't have nightmares about flying bits of fluff and strangers who have been violated by my furry avenger of a dog to and from the way to school.

If you are one of the people who was subjected to my crazy mutt I am sosososososososo SORRY!!  lol

At least it's a good workout for my guns!  lol.  I am starting to think that instead of joining the gym I can hire out Swiper for people to take for walks, it's a guaranteed total body workout, I just can't guarantee your sanity by the end of the session!!

Anyway now that I have relived my walk this morning it is now time for me to have another vodka, I think I may be suffering from post fur-matic stupid syndrome!!  lol

All Tuckered Out

Wednesday 6th April 2011

Well by now you will notice that a lot of my blogs are missing the key element that this blog was meant to be about - exercise and weight loss!!  As you will have worked out by now that I am a born procrastinator.  Not only that I always find myself volunteering for everything and then I have no time left!

Today I had my first day at the kids tuckshop (which everyone who knows me knows that is something I swore I would never do!!)  I have to admit it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but I will also admit that I am exhausted!  I know I am soft but I have gotten too used to my retirement lifestyle!!  Especially since hubby is away and I still have to get everything done around the house for the weekend inspections.

Anyway tomorrow is a new day and it will also be the first day that I will be able to walk and I am making the most of it so the rain better stay away or I will be getting very wet!

Today I am the Statue

Tuesday 5th April 2011

I have noticed that since I have had a quiet last few days that my mind has started to work in overtime.  I am a habitual stewer who thinks and rethinks everything over and over in my mind until I drive myself (and sometimes those around me) totally nuts!!

I know things are a lot easier now I am not working but I am a total control freak and can't handle things being out of control.  The one thing that is out of my control at the moment is the sale of our house (or the fact that our house hasn't sold)  I know it's a slow market but I am ready to move on so in my mind the universe should accommodate!!  I think I am suffering a slight case of princess syndrome!  lol

I read today that while you keep walking down the same road your destination will never change so today I stepped off the path!!  Instead of waiting for things to happen I started new wheels in motion!!  I must admit it was a huge step for me because I don't like to upset anyone or deal with anything serious but I did it!!

The other step I am taking is I have decided that I am going to join Chandler gym.  I find too many excuses and reasons as to why I don't get out to do things and I know that the bargain queen in me won't let me make excuses not to go to the gym if I am paying for it!  Hey, if that's what works to get me there then so be it!!  There are no more excuses, it's time for me to move to the mountain and stop waiting for the mountain to move to me.  Now if only I could stop thinking then everything will be rosy!!  lol

You Give Me Fever

Monday 4th April 2011

It has been a very quiet start to the week.  Miss youngest daughter was at home today (after an argument and sulk) with high fevers.  I always know when my kids stay home that they're genuinely sick because they love to go to school no matter how they feel - I just hope they feel like that when they hit high school!  lol

Even though it's not nice to have the kids feeling sick I have to say it was so nice not having to stress over who was going to fill my shift at work so I could stay home, or even worse, what would I do if there was no one to help fill in at work!  These little things used to make me feel so terrible and stress me out because I always want to be there for them when they're sick. 

We had a nice quiet day at home.  Little miss watched a million movies while I baked cookies and did a bit of cleaning.  We even had time for some cuddles on the lounge.  These are the moments I treasure with both my girls.

I have to say I was not in a zumba frame of mind after such a mellow day at home but once I got there it didn't take long for something to happen to have us all in fits of giggles and the old zumba zing kicks straight back in!!  Although I think from now on I will have to take a torch with me for the walk to and from the hall so we don't run into any more rogue rats on the path!!  I don't think my bladder could take it again!  lol

Back to Basics

Sunday 3rd April 2011

Today was another fantastic family day!  I figure the kids only want to spend time with you until a certain age and then it's all about hanging out with their mates (as it should be too) so I am determined to spend as much time with them while they still want us to.  We started out late this morning because our eldest girl was still so tired after camp.  We actually woke her at about 9.10am because we were sick of waititing.  We then headed down to watch our friend's boys play their footy game.  Everyone who knows me knows I am not a sporty person and have no idea of rules or anything like that but I love the atmosphere down there!  Plus they are also fun to watch.

At lunch time we headed down to the waterfront to meet up with one of our youngest daughter's friends for lunch.  They had arranged to meet up for a play this weekend while they were at school so luckily they told us of their plans so we could make it happen!!  It was a great way to spend the afternoon (even though our little missy stacked it off the flying fox).  They are such cute little friends and are both a tad mad which makes it quite entertaining for us parents to sit and watch.

It's funny how you forget how much fun the simple things are, and how cheap they are as well!!  We have been working so hard for so long that we forgot how easy life can be and we are really enjoying rediscovering the cheap and simple things now that I am not working and we are back on a budget.  Although I don't think that we will have the hot chip lunch every week or my butt will get even bigger!!  lol

Lazy Lurgy Days

Saturday 2nd April 2011

I am having one of those lazy days just mooching about on the lounge with the start of a lurgy.  I absolutely hate hate hate lounging around and doing nothing for a long time so I did venture out this morning for a spot of grocery shopping (I know I lead an exciting life hey!!)

But after an exciting morning at the grocery store it is now back at home mooching about with a temperature and a sore head.  Unfortunately I even lack the energy to go for a walk so I will just have to put it off until tomorrow.  Sometimes it totally sux being human and having to give into these sort of things.  If I'm gonna get a lurgy why can't I get one which will reduce the size of my butt and keep it off!!  Now that's a lurgy I wouldn't complain about!

Sorry for the very unexciting blog today with no exercise.  Tomorrow is a new day and I plan to be back at the top of my game by then!

April Fools and Camping Tales

Friday 1st April 2011

Happy April Fools Day!!

My big girl finally came home from camp today!! I can't believe how quiet it has been at home without her!  She had an awesome time and is full of stories about her good times, I even got a meal by meal rundown on the food!

Although it was quiet here it was nice spending some one on one time with my youngest girl.  It's always nice to have some alone time with each of my girls, they are so different so each moment is special. 

We walked to school this morning just the two of us since big sister was still at camp and dad was at work.  Not only did we walk a little faster but there was no fighting which was awesome!!  It was just a comfortable casual walk and chat about everything.

As much as I missed my big girl and I felt like something was missing the whole time she was gone (and I admit I jumped every time the phone rang in case there was something wrong! lol) I have had a great couple of days with my baby.

Now everyone is home and things are as they should be and we're having some quiet, girly time watching  movies and relaxing after a big week until hubby gets home from work, then I think the fights will start on who will get to say hello first!    Ha ha I wonder if I should warn him??